I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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