just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
