I swear she didn't look like that last week.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
