it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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