Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
