my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
