Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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