The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
