theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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