You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
