After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
