Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Randomize
