You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
