Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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