I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
