I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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