bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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