I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
