I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
