you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
