never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
