Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
