we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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