omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
