this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
