Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
