You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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