New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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