Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
