she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
