U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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