apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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