weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
