It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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