I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
