Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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