I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
