She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
