You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
