I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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