Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
