Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
