I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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