I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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