He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
