when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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