How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
