The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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