I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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