Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
